So here is a confession. Yesterday, I went out and took pictures for my envisioned revitalization of this blog. Right now, I'm not sure what the fate of this blog will be. I want to finally do a blogging project that doesn't fall short of its potential.. and one that I commit to enough to see it to the fullest extent. Right now I guess I'm evaluating what that would be.
I know I am only interested in doing something personal, something meant only as a hobby, as an expression. I don't know if this is, or can be it.
I think the Rika Confesses to Almost All of It concept was great when I was a struggling model/jack of all trades/semi-hustler bar girl. I cut it short of its brilliance by pandering to much to an audience I was pretending to have, or stopping short of rawness. I never really covered all the places I got to be and all the crazy sometimes stupid how I got theres. I hit on exactly what this should have been a couple times, and that was it. Obviously, I never cultivated much readership, but that's not so much a shame or wasted potential as it is a sign of my inability to fully commit, dedicate, and realize something. Just a symptom.
I think about the blogs that I really find interesting and inspiring. Most of them are a fairly simple theme, repeating one cool little vision from a unique angle. Should I find some microconcept, despite my chronic eclecticness, my refusal to give up the possibility of talking about everything and the kitchen sink for a concept as simple as photos of clouds delivered attractively? What subject would I choose?
My life is different now, I am not sure if the confessional theme suits at all. A different job, life with health insurance and weekends off, I don't even know my closest bars inside out anymore. I have interesting things to confess I'm sure, but I work towards a goal that does not benefit from spilling them. My other expert topic - I live and breathe video games now more than ever, but I can't tell you about it. ;) If I picked a small piece of my interests to mirror and display, what would be the most true, and hold my interest longest? What could I (of all people) focus on? And even if I did choose some little angle, would I still want this place to put my rambling thoughts?
I don't know. Tomorrow i may pretend I never wrote this, and carry on.