I now interupt my usual patter for an announcement.

My older sister had her baby on Jan. 20th. It's a boy- my first nephew. I don't have any nieces either for the record. It is wierd to think of her being somebody's mom. Not because she wouldn't be good at it.. just because.. I don't know.

It is wierd too because I am not there with the rest of my family back in IL. I guess I always pictured leaving the Cornfields (that never owned us anyway.. our fields were oil) and being gone. But at the same time I guess I pictured being there somehow when all this came to be. And the two things contradict each other.

I can't really quite wrap my head around the whole feeling and in a way I think it would degrade it to try to write about it in too much detail. My narration diefies the details. But it profanes the really intense I am afraid. When I am too direct it does any way.

So that is all.

always quoting shit

"Being natural is simply a pose, and the most irritating pose I know," -Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray

boredum, frustration, hope, ambition

I feel I should write something. But I feel too restless to write out any of the really good ideas I have right now. I am getting antsy.

December and so far, january, has been really slow. I have been improving my portfolio though, but i haven't been improving my bank account or my resume much. And I am starting to get this kind of restless/helpless feeling that I want to do something but can't make it happen. I guess its always slow this time of year.

I have started toying with the idea of becoming obsessed with wanting to work overseas. I've heard Hong kong is nice. Or Tokyo. Or Milan.. or lots of other places. Once again, not something I can just snap my fingers and make happen.. but i'm looking into it.

I've been feeling stagnant. I guess part of me gets frustrated because the only things I can put effort into right now I can't see immediate results for. Like working out. And even if I was the most toned person in the world tommorrow, I'd still probably be frustrated that the world hadn't noticed. And the other part of me just can't understand why I'm not famous yet. :)

But.. I've been doing everything I can and keeping my eyes open. And I've got a few irons in the fire that I'm hoping will pan out soon. So theres a bit of hope in the back of my head but I don't count on anything that isn't happening right now. I think i might have something or another more interesting to write about than this soon. I hope.

The Filmore Pub

I've always had this kind of fantasy about what it would be like to hang out at the local pub. And by pub I mean pub in the sense that pubs exist in my fantasies of England and Ireland. I am trying to think of a movie that has a pub in it that is just like the pub in my fantasy... I am drawing a blank right now though. I guess sort of a combination of the pubs in Green Street Houligans, Dear Frankie, and The Quiet Man.

But I have never really lived anywhere where there was a pub that satified my expectations. Callahan's in Carbondale called itself a pub I think, but it lacked something that was neccesary for true pub-ness in my opinion. I think I may have found the pub of my fantasies in Plano, TX.. The Filmore Pub on 15th.

Its' qualifications include.. a laid-back atmosphere, a good selection of drinks, a good selection of food.. (they even have stuff that isn't fried) .. it is in an old looking part of town so it has that right kind of atmosphere when you go stand outside to smoke.. and the interior looks like what a pub looks like in my imagination. It isn't overwhelmed with too loud music, or covered in sports bullshit. The only thing missing is people with Irish accents, but you can't win em all.

My friend/ex-boss jessica can be credited with turning me on to The Filmore.. she's also just the kind of person i imagined would hang oout in a pub. We went there tonight, with a couple other friends, and I only had one alcoholic drink and didn't totally give healthy eating the finger, and I still had a good time!

So now I am thinking about how cool it will be to say things like, "I'm just goin' down to the pub.." or answering the phone: "We're at the pub.." I imagine myself saying these things with an Irish accent of course. I can't say them outloud though.. because of the poor quality of my fake Irish accent.

But I've found my pub. All is right with the world.

Something New...