Feminism in the Club

  Paul Oakenfold is coming on at Lizard Lounge. I can't believe i spent a hundred bucks getting here. I can't believe I'm liking it. He spreads his arms like a Christ figure, the crowd responds like he is.

  An hour later, two hours? We are all caught up in the music. I am saying nothing, only looking up from my little piece of dance floor to make eye contact with my buddies and nod as if to say "hell yeah." At the begining of the night all the girls looked cool in their towering heels and short dresses. Now i look cooler than cool in flat boots. I'm wearing a tank top your grandpa would wear, pretending its a dress.

  They are pulling the bottles now and I am sad to see it go but only a little. I feel the pulse of the music, up through the balcony floor and into my feet. We don't mourn the death of drinking; all at once we grab the table and the odd choice of chairs and we pull them back from the rail. We dance, over looking the pit below and the wasted girls looking at their clumsy hands in the air and the dudes that don't do anything but shake their fists.

  I am doing the go go dancers rest step, back and forth as i get ready to pick it up again and surveying my kingdom. I am thinking thats its our job, to look over this club and dance on this rail so that they can look up and see us and long to be where we are.

  Beside me on my left there is a girl. I am observing her without admitting to noticing her. She's wearing a funky tee shirt and jeans and heels. She is dancing on the rail too and we are pretending not to see each other. On and on we dance, next to each other, in our own little world. On my right my friend is in his own world too, and maybe we exchange glances, but really we are all absorbed in the sort of ironic silence of music you can't speak over.

  Step step step step step.. hand on the rail, hands in the air, both hands on the rail, hands at my side when its all about the hips and the feet and still she and I ignore each other. And then she bumps me. or I bump her. We are startled enough to look at each other, forgetting to pretend it didn't happen. I could eye her up. I could give her the cold look of measuring or I could look at her awkwardly apologetically. But I don't. Maybe its the handful of drinks circulating around my veins, or maybe my mind is just extra clear in this moment and I am less hesitant than usual.

 I look up at her and grin, as if we are conspirators in some wild adventure. She grins. We go back to our own dancing, but both of us caught up more this time. Our steps get bigger. As she ceases to give token recognition to the guy behind her, I get the whim to step back. I let her move into my spot on the rail and I step back out of the view of the world and into the shadows of people taller than me. I finish the night dancing there until we are leaving in a whirl of exiting before the over packed house spins out around us. We don't even manage to say by to the entire group as the loud silence of being enveloped by music turns to the excited chatter of the parking lot. I am walking with my friend and the one I love as they smoke and I smile and we rehash the ride that isn't yet quite over.

 My friend is telling me how brilliant the night was and the ride that it was in the way that he can say it and make you say "yeah man!" with every fiber of your being.. but I can only try to repeat it and make it sound dumb. "Even that chick, that chick!" he is saying, "the one that danced next to me, she felt it too, she was fuckin cool." And I laugh, because the moment in time that just happened for him happened because the choice I made in a moment let it.

A Story About Modeling

A wordless account of what goes on before a fashion show, as told by me and the Droid.

the actor's tour of texas

You will see austin for the first time as you race to San Antonio, trying to get to a shoot. You will see it again at 7 one morning, fighting traffic and trusting the gps to get you to an 8 am call time.

  East Texas you will see on your way to auditions in shreeveport. You will ask yourself why you ever agreed to drive four hours to try to get a bit role in a probably retarded movie. You will get up at a rediculous time. On the way back you will face exhaustion. stop for an energy drink, and take the first three sips. Set your alarm and sleep in the sun in the car for 15 minutes. It will be enough to get you through. When you finish that one, stop for another. The countryside is beautiful in the hyper focus youll have.

   Fair Park you will learn quickly. Everytime you go in to your appointments there, you will get lost and then irrate. You will ask yourself why the hell anyone asked you to come here of all places. When you find the building, you will think "oh god.. this is exactly the kind of seedy place my mom pictures me getting killed in.." but you willl go in anyway. Inside it will be nice. You'll get mad again as you try to leave.

  Canton you will see randomly, as you are photographed in a pool of mud. White Rock Lake you will see as you look past a camera, and Grapevine Lake you will see nothing but the glare of sun as you cover your chest with your arms and try not to look like you're wilting. You will see the dramatic hills out past Mesquite from a car full of actresses with your hair in a victory roll, but you will never again be able to figure out where you were. You will sit in expensive restaraunts whose names you won't remember and pick at cold food take after take. You will stand outside in the wind for two hours between two buildings and two scenes. You will shiver as you walk out of some hotel, and you will wait for the Lone Star cab to pass by so you can film a scene that takes place in LA. Later you will look at places and try to remember when and why you were there. You won't be sure.

Jesus and Coke

Here it is- my contribution to society..

1/2 oz Jim Beam
1/2 oz Jack Daniels
1/2 oz Jameson
splash of Coke

Shoot it!
Its not as rough as you think.
Something that originated from talking shit at Vickery Park Plano.

Cliff Notes...

Well let's see...

I got finalist in the XFX Girl contest! I'll be going to LA for that on the 23rd of January.

I got a graphics tablet! But I kind of suck at drawing with it.

Spent Christmas Eve on 15th street. Spent Christmas with a family I had never met before, then after much discombobulation, went down to Double Wide with the cool kids to see Hello Lover and American Fuse.

Got Dragon Age Origins and Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2, among other things. :) I'm in fps training currently.

Can't decide on a design for Deep Six's tee shirts.. keep starting over and over again.

Finally rode the Grapevine railroad to the Ft. Worth Stockyards with Thom and his family.. train was slow, Stockyards was cool. Jameson at The White Elephant Saloon!

Oh yeah.. and got a real gaming mouse. :)