She's just not that into you.. and niether is she.. and niether is she..

Earlier this week I was at the bar with some friends. There was a guy there- not with my group of course- who seemed to be making the rounds trying to strike out with all the girls. Now right now you are thinking that I didn't mean to say "trying to strike out", because you are thinking that he was trying not to strike out. And at first I didn't think he was TRYING to strike out either, but later I couldn't think of any other goal he could have had.

He first approached Jessica, but failed to sway her trajectory- which was out the door to smoke. He approached me, but aborted the mission when I greeted a fairly imposing looking guy. (Who ironically was my boss, but if it works, it works.)

Then later I noticed that Alaina was missing. Eventually we located her at the bar. Thom commented that he was not going to disturb her since she was talking to a dude.. yeah, it was THAT dude. She looked like she wanted rescued, so I rescued her.

Later, I went up to the bar with Alaina again to grab a drink. The afore mentioned dude walks straight up to us and says unceremoniously: "So I'm having a nice conversation with her, and then you come up, and it's like you're rescuing her or something!" I looked at her, she looked at me.. neither of us really had much to say to that.

I said something on the lines of "Oh its just I came here to hang out with my girls, so I figured I'd go find the girls I came to hang out with.." not wanting to be a total jackass.

He wouldn't have a placating response though and cut me off before the sentance was really out of my mouth. "Oh, so you're all like a bunch of deer or something then? One of you runs off and you all start freaking out?!" he said. He did a fairly offensive imitation of presumeably, doe-eyed me, looking around in a panic.

Now I think the situation now called for jackassness, but I wasn't just at any bar, i was at my bar, and didn't want to be a dick, and furthermore it was almost like being on candid camera.. a little too funny to really get mad.

'Actually i like to think of myself as a sheep dog.. " I said non-chalantly.

He turned to Alaina..

"So I get the feeling she thinks I was bothering you? Was i bothering you?" he demanded.

Alaina looked around as if looking for a way to not be either rude or a liar. He kept demanding for a second, until she threw up her hands and said- "Yeah, dude, you were kinda going there!" like a laidback stoner pushed to the edge.

Now you'd think that the conversation would have ended. it didn't. In fact it didn't end until we made some sort of casual reference to cutting off balls.

I'm not even sure how to end this story. If you didn't figure out the moral of it by now, you probably won't ever figure it out.