Stream.

I'd like to take a moment to say something about Scott Stream. He was killed earlier this week in Afghanistan. The Chicago Tribune posted a letter written by him, you can read it here... http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-090226soldier-letter,0,7802298.story

This is how I remember Scott.. He was friendly as hell, and he loved to talk. He had alot of opinions and observations on alot of different topics. I was always glad to see him places because if he was there you never had to worry about not having someone to talk to. He seemed to say nearly everything that came into his head, and if he didn't, that dude sure had ALOT of stuff going on in his head.

He was always willing to help you out however he could, whether it was working on the house, blowing up an unwanted tree, or introducing you to hot Neoga chicks.. and he was the best damn Dungeons and Dragons dungeon master that ever lived. He was a self-proclaimed fan of the artwork of God. He made me read Carlos Casteneda, but I must admit I found Scott telling me about it to be more interesting than reading it myself- although he never would tell me what wind I was. His assessments of people were often right on, I laughed when he had Thom pegged, but was irritated when he was right about me. He could speak with the same kind of color and imagery that he wrote with, but sadly, he was not very good at cooking squirrel.

http://www.news-gazette.com/news/local/2009/02/27/sergeant_from_mattoon_dies_in

Acting classes for scumbags..

I've bombed alot of acting auditions lately. Well, I think its unfair to say that I've bombed all of them. Sometimes you just don't get picked because you're taller than the male lead, or they really wanted somebody with more freckles, or you can't play the smart ass friend because the love interest isn't prettier than you.. but i digress.

I need acting lessons. Or somebody to just give me a chance because I know I was good once, and I think I still am but its just that my resume sucks because I haven't done much in awhile.

But I can't afford to expend money on doing the accepted next step and taking acting classes, and I can't afford to spend the time on doing community theatre because I have to spend that time trying to make money.

But I keep going to these auditions. And I keep watching everyone else who competes against me, all the people who already know each other because they all worked on some commercial, all the people who think this is old hat, all the people who absolutely love working with whats-his-face he is so inovative and his work is really a big deal and he's only moderately odd for someone so smart. And eventually I'm going to know all thier tricks, and I'm going to go to the audition that has been waiting for someone like be to walk through that door. I just try not to think about what is going to happen afterwards, whether they are going to call me or not, the potential rejection, and just think about being there and what can I notice and remember. Its like a mini actors' workshop. I love the ones where everyone auditions to the room the most.

I don't know that I have done anything that I have done using the step-by-step, textbook method that they tell you is the way to do it. But I get it done. I'll write a book about it someday.

the centerless universe

Everything I keep trying to write profanes what I think and sounds pompous so I'll just say it with a drive down 1700th near Elliotstown IL and leave it at that.

towards brighter stars..

We're getting ready to leave tonight for home- Southern Illinois, cornfields and brighter stars than here..
There's something relaxing about being home in Effingham County. Like the weight of who I became later is lifted off of me and its easy to be there.. I'm not going to give you some cliche line of crap that it is simpler there, because even after everywhere I've been since, I'm here to tell you that its not, and that line of thought is so patronizing.. But being in the place you came from, you don't have to think twice about anything, you just react and know you know the right answers.
So I put my nose ring in, and put a funky, non-photoshoot appropriate paint job on my nails (reverse french with OPI Tickle My Francey and My Private Jet) and defy even the Salmonella I picked up yesterday to keep me from getting home.
I'm looking forward to seeing my sister's baby, of course. And to the little things like El Rancherito mexican food- can't get anything like it in TX, ironically, maybe bumming around town with my mom, letting everything we do take forever and not caring, an appearance at Ichabod's, just to see who I see... And we've got a wedding to go to in C-Dale, should see alot of people there that I haven't for awhile.
And it'll be nice to drive alone on a two lane highway, under cold sky and bright stars.

In my underwear.. or rather, Her Room's underwear.

Lucky Seven Eleven

I recently discovered that Seven 11's have fruit bowls. And they are (usually) awesome.. although sometimes you have to check and make sure it doesn't look three days old.

I now interupt my usual patter for an announcement.

My older sister had her baby on Jan. 20th. It's a boy- my first nephew. I don't have any nieces either for the record. It is wierd to think of her being somebody's mom. Not because she wouldn't be good at it.. just because.. I don't know.

It is wierd too because I am not there with the rest of my family back in IL. I guess I always pictured leaving the Cornfields (that never owned us anyway.. our fields were oil) and being gone. But at the same time I guess I pictured being there somehow when all this came to be. And the two things contradict each other.

I can't really quite wrap my head around the whole feeling and in a way I think it would degrade it to try to write about it in too much detail. My narration diefies the details. But it profanes the really intense I am afraid. When I am too direct it does any way.

So that is all.

always quoting shit

"Being natural is simply a pose, and the most irritating pose I know," -Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray

boredum, frustration, hope, ambition

I feel I should write something. But I feel too restless to write out any of the really good ideas I have right now. I am getting antsy.

December and so far, january, has been really slow. I have been improving my portfolio though, but i haven't been improving my bank account or my resume much. And I am starting to get this kind of restless/helpless feeling that I want to do something but can't make it happen. I guess its always slow this time of year.

I have started toying with the idea of becoming obsessed with wanting to work overseas. I've heard Hong kong is nice. Or Tokyo. Or Milan.. or lots of other places. Once again, not something I can just snap my fingers and make happen.. but i'm looking into it.

I've been feeling stagnant. I guess part of me gets frustrated because the only things I can put effort into right now I can't see immediate results for. Like working out. And even if I was the most toned person in the world tommorrow, I'd still probably be frustrated that the world hadn't noticed. And the other part of me just can't understand why I'm not famous yet. :)

But.. I've been doing everything I can and keeping my eyes open. And I've got a few irons in the fire that I'm hoping will pan out soon. So theres a bit of hope in the back of my head but I don't count on anything that isn't happening right now. I think i might have something or another more interesting to write about than this soon. I hope.

The Filmore Pub

I've always had this kind of fantasy about what it would be like to hang out at the local pub. And by pub I mean pub in the sense that pubs exist in my fantasies of England and Ireland. I am trying to think of a movie that has a pub in it that is just like the pub in my fantasy... I am drawing a blank right now though. I guess sort of a combination of the pubs in Green Street Houligans, Dear Frankie, and The Quiet Man.

But I have never really lived anywhere where there was a pub that satified my expectations. Callahan's in Carbondale called itself a pub I think, but it lacked something that was neccesary for true pub-ness in my opinion. I think I may have found the pub of my fantasies in Plano, TX.. The Filmore Pub on 15th.

Its' qualifications include.. a laid-back atmosphere, a good selection of drinks, a good selection of food.. (they even have stuff that isn't fried) .. it is in an old looking part of town so it has that right kind of atmosphere when you go stand outside to smoke.. and the interior looks like what a pub looks like in my imagination. It isn't overwhelmed with too loud music, or covered in sports bullshit. The only thing missing is people with Irish accents, but you can't win em all.

My friend/ex-boss jessica can be credited with turning me on to The Filmore.. she's also just the kind of person i imagined would hang oout in a pub. We went there tonight, with a couple other friends, and I only had one alcoholic drink and didn't totally give healthy eating the finger, and I still had a good time!

So now I am thinking about how cool it will be to say things like, "I'm just goin' down to the pub.." or answering the phone: "We're at the pub.." I imagine myself saying these things with an Irish accent of course. I can't say them outloud though.. because of the poor quality of my fake Irish accent.

But I've found my pub. All is right with the world.

Something New...

Really cool vintage glasses/Really bad myspace-y pictures

As I said before, I got some cool vintage glasses whilst hanging out with Dad the other day. Which ones do you like better?

(Ah the joys of taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror!)